Flirting via Chat and Online Dating
March 24, 2008
The chemistry between men and women is all about attraction, isn’t it? It’s been said that when a person feels attraction to another then nothing else really matters. At the same time, if a person does not feel attraction to another, then likewise, nothing else really matters. Being physically attractive, being rich or famous, being the right age all matter very little when attraction is present.
Attraction is the key and it is a strong emotion, in fact a combination of emotions that causes a person to want to pay attention to another. We seem to learn about it as children and then we become confused about it as adults.
Remember when you were a child and someone teased you in order to get your attention? Perhaps they threw a bit of paper at you and laughed. Or maybe you made a crayon mark on someone’s arm and then looked away, pretending that it was not you who made the mark. Or someone tapped you on the arm and then ran away. Those were all humorous teases that made us pay attention to the other person and made us attracted enough to play the game further.
Attraction between adults is not too different. Teasing with humor is an excellent way to attract the other person’s attention and gain their interest. When the technique is done well it calls up several emotions. It tells the other person that you are different from the ordinary others. It also presents a challenge that the other person will react to and not ignore. And it causes laughter, which makes the brain and the body react in positive ways, and tells the other person that there is an opportunity to have fun.
The key to this basic attraction is to tease or flirt in the proper way and to have fun with it. The two elements have to go together in a proper balance. If the comment is too cocky or goes too far and does not include humor, then it will be seen as arrogance. On the other hand, if a person spends too much time joking and being funny, then they will be seen as being just goofy. It’s important that the humor be there to balance the provocative comment or action.
In real situations, the teasing with humor technique involves making a provocative comment in a humorous way. Imagine a guy pretending not to pay much attention to a woman by not looking at her directly. He says, “I think you might have spent too much time on your hair.” The body language and the comment are provocative and teasing, but rather cold and humorless. Now imagine the same body language with the comment, “I think if you had spent any more time with your hair, it would qualify as a career.” Then he looks at her squarely. ” Though the result is good. I have to admit that I normally don’t date women who are so full of themselves.” Then he cracks a smile.
That combination of teasing body language and verbal comment with a warm poking-fun kind of humor will often create a sense of strong attraction in the other person. The guy seems provocative, different, challenging, and perhaps fun. Those qualities arouse the emotions that are the heart of attraction.
The next step is for the woman to hit back, something we did as children, but this time with a teasing comment or a flirtatious flip of the hair and turn of the chin, and the chemistry of attraction is begun
Lack of Responses From Dating Sites…What Gives?
March 19, 2008
If you feel you are not getting any response to your online profile from a top online dating site, you must be asking yourself what you are doing wrong. Sometimes it is not what you are doing wrong, but what aren’t you doing right!
Using a top online dating service is teeming with profiles and you have to do your utmost to make your profile stand head above shoulders over the rest.
How many times have you logged on to a top online dating site and seen the line ” I’m the one your mama warned you about.” Or how about, ” I may be just the one you have been looking for.” It may be that you wrote one of those stale lines to someone on a dating site. Depending upon what time of the year it is and what the political situation is stirring up, certain lines are used more often that other. If you want to stand out from the crowd at a dating site, check out what other members are saying. Chances are if you are rolling your eyes, everyone else is.
You may also be sending out failure, loser signals. Just because a person on the other side of the monitor can’t see you, they can feel it. Male and female, they are looking for someone who is self confident on a dating site.
If you don’t feel confident enough to go against Brad Pitt or George Looney, have no fear. Most women don’t expect to meet them when they are using a dating site, but it is good to post a picture. Don’t post an idealized picture of what you wished you looked like, but what you really do look like. Just as the ladies don’t expect Clooney and Pitt pictures on a online dating site, you shouldn’t expect Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas or Elle the Bod McPherson.
If you really want to catch someone’s eye, post a picture of you doing something a little strange, out of the ordinary. If you send a picture of you bungee jumping, whoever browses your profile will realize you are a daring person and might be interested in meeting you just on that point alone. There are a number of ways you can catch the eye of lots of people and before you know it, your mailbox will be full of responses and winks and icebreakers.
contributed by Alan L
In & Outs of Online Dating
March 17, 2008
Looking to spice up your life a little or add some romance…or maybe find that perfect love connection?
Cool! Jump right in…the online dating waters are just fine and you will have lots of company. There are over THREE MILLION others already splashing around when you do decide to take the plunge!!
If you’re new, or relatively new to the online dating scene, this article should get you headed down the right path. Follow the tips and recommendation presented here and your initial experiences will be more enjoyable, and yield better results.
Do a search of “online dating” and you will be presented with more than 2.9 MILLION web pages from which to make your selection! Hmm… a bit overwhelming to say the least. But don’t let the huge numbers discourage you. Try the dating preparation and selection methods described, and you will easily find your perfect dating site match.
So your first order of business is to get yourself matched up with one or more online dating sites that fit you and your needs. The questions below should help you narrow things down.
What Type Dating Site?
Plain Vanilla – no ethnic, religious, or cultural themes. Asian, Black/Ebony/African American, Italian, Jewish, Senior Citizen, the list goes on…
Do some searching using the terms below as a guide.
“online dating” + senior
“online dating” + Christian
“online dating” + African American
“online dating” + Asian
“online dating” +
Get the idea? A search on each of the examples above will pretty much yield what you would expect.
If you’re on a tight budget, just add the word “free”.
“online dating” + free
“online dating” + senior + free …etc.
You will need to look a little harder to find high quality free dating sites or personal services. REALLY FREE dating sites with lots of members, lots of activity, and lots of member services are pretty hard to come by. You’ll understand better after you do a few searches for free dating websites.
A search for dating reviews and forums can also be helpful.
“online dating” + review OR reviews
“online dating” + forum OR forums
With the dating related forums, you can read about good and bad experiences others have had with particular dating and personals web sites.
Dating services reviews will give you some good info as well. Look for genuine, unbiased reviews. Many of the dating review sites out there are willy-nilly listings someone threw together to earn commissions.
Another way to find good dating sites is by asking friends and co-workers who may have tried, or are using online dating or personals services. You may be surprised to find out how many of your single friends are members of a personals site.
How Much?
Monthly fees vary widely, but the average is around $24. Most dating and singles sites will give you a discount if you pay for two or months in advance.
I would suggest you only buy into a one month membership with any new dating service you join. If you decide you like it simply extend your membership. If you don’t like the service, you cut your losses at one month, and avoid the hassles of requesting a refund, or canceling billing.
Tight Budget Dating Tip: Most free dating sites have low activity, and member activity is what makes personals and dating sites tick.
Solution: Join 3, 4 or more free dating sites. If you find that their combined activity serves your needs… you’re good to go. If not, you’ll have gained a good familiarity with online dating, and a better understanding of what you want, when and if you decide to plunk down some bucks for a paid membership.
Telling Your Pool-Side Story
Now write your story (aka: member profile). No great detail; just write like you’re writing to the man or woman you seek. Write a little about you, stating one or more of your unique qualities. Write a little about the person you’re seeking.
You’ll save some time if you write and save all your profile data to a text editor or word processor file. Then, you can COPY and PASTE it to the proper areas of your online dating profile.
As things change, and as you grow, you will want to update and modify your profile statements.
A Picture IS Worth a Thousand Words
You will generally get 3 to 10 time better response with a posted photo than without. People don’t generally spend much time on profiles with no photos… so take the hint.
If you don’t own a digital camera, web cam, or scanner, take a few photos and a diskette to your local Office Depot, Staples, or general office supply store. They should be able to scan and copy your photos to your diskette. Then you can easily add one or more to your dating site profile. You could also ask friends and relatives who own a digital camera or scanner.
Digital cameras are very inexpensive these days. Check eBay for some of the best deals.
Stay Focused and On-Track
You may want to start a journal, (on paper, or in a text file), to log your “love search” progress. Make notes of URL links of sites you like (you should also bookmark these sites), restrictions, any new member specials, member benefits and services, monthly fees, etc.
When I first started, I also wrote out a statement describing what I wanted to accomplish by joining a dating site. You may want to do the same. These statements and a well-kept journal will help keep you focused and organized. Organized endeavors always yield greater results than haphazard approaches.
Safe-Date Policies
This is actually part of the title of an upcoming article, but I mention it here to stress the use of common-sense, safety, and caution when dealing with ANY dating situation – on or offline.
Now… jump in your skivvies and take the dive!
Contributed by: C. Marvin
Love Connection and the Best Way to Hook Up
March 17, 2008
Looking to spice up your life a little, add some romance find that love connection? Well, caution: fees can be sky high. For example, AARP Magazine reported that a company called Gentlepeople charges from $15,000 to $50,000 to hook up you up with the right person. And FOX News reported that professional matchmakers across the country are charging up to $15,000 to pair people up. Instead of paying so much money, try starting here and see how you do with some of these tips.
ONLINE DATING – Seek out a reputable online dating service. Begin by asking friends, co-workers and other you may know who have tried online dating, and see which places they recommend. Also, head to your favorite search engine and type in “online dating services” to see which ones come up. Start a journal or notebook and log your progress. Write out the URLs or website links and do some research: list fees, rules and regulations, complete contact information of the site and any other useful information that you run across. Then begin slow. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts and STOP.
COMMUNICATION – Go slow and don’t try to share every tidbit of information about yourself over night. Keep away from subjects that you don’t agree upon. When communicating via email and other electronic means (chat rooms, forums, etc.) don’t use all upper case letters (that’s called “shouting”), slang or your personal address for safety. Do use a firewall and anti-virus software to keep your computer safe, too. Key in “online safety tips” and check out online lists for updated safety tips once a month to make sure you’re up to date.
Free Firewall Download: ZoneAlarm www.zonelabs.com
Free Anti-Virus Download: AVG Anti-Virus www.grisoft.com
(no affiliations)
FRIENDSHIP – As your friendship grows, check to see if you are not only getting along pretty well together, but also handling conflicts well together. If you miss a chat time, for instance, is that it? Are you in the doghouse for a week? And gradually decide if you should meet in person. If so, make sure it’s a safe place out in public and that you are both legal adults.
LOVE GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a sense of direction. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common good.
So before you fork out thousands of dollars looking for Mr. or Ms. Right, reach out and try to help yourself first. Go slow and steady, and use caution. Once you find your own love connection, you could set up your own matchmaker website!
Contributed by Diana B